Wings of the Lost
by ironcaptain4245
Summary: Dean reflects back on when his beloved angel died in his arms, leaving with burnt wing marks all over him. A constant reminder of Castiel. Fluff and eventual pain. EXCERPT: Dean could see the light of Castiel's grace swelling like a dying star, about to burst from his vessel. Finally it did, and Dean felt the most immense pain he had ever felt. It felt like the skin on his arms, c


Wings of the Lost

_God, how did it end this way? Everything was so normal, completely routine. Then everything changed. I lost the man I loved, and I'm constantly reminded of it_. _I let him die like every God-forsaken thing I care about_, Dean thought to himself, while looking in the mirror and seeing the angel-wing burn marks wrapping around his chest, his back, and his arms. Five words reverberated in his head. The angel's last. He had used them to comfort him, in his last, gasping breath.

_I'll always watch over you._

"Dean, is it customary to hold hands in public?"

Dean looks to Cas and laughs haughtily.

"Um, _yeah_. That's what couples _do_."

Cas nods. "I see. What about kissing? That's something couples do too, correct?"

"Well, it sorta depends on—"

"Dean!"

Dean looks behind him to see Sam jogging toward them with his giant moose legs.

"Hey, Sammy. What's up?"

"Hello, Sam."

Sam nods to Cas and Dean.

"Hey. So I found this _awesome_ bar over on 1st. You guys wanna go get a few beers?"

Dean smiles and nods vigorously, and Cas shakes his head, smiling.

"Dude, hell yeah. I can't remember the last time I've been to a bar."

Sam grins, "Alright, it's settled then. I gotta take care of a few things first, but I'll meet you there."

Dean takes Cas' hand in his and kisses his cheek. "Yeah alright cool. See ya in a bit."

As the distance grew between them and Sam, Cas looks to Dean.

"So is that the only type of kissing we can do in public?"

Dean laughs heartily again.

"Um well we can also do this."

Dean pulls Cas close, and kisses him softly on the lips, both sighing in contentment. Dean separates and smiles.

"I enjoyed that immensely."

Dean smirks, "Yeah I thought you might. C'mon. Let's go."

He lets go of Cas' hand and a glint of mischief flashes in his eyes, a wry smirk tugging at his lips.

"Race ya!"

Dean sets off in a sprint towards the bar, and Cas chuckles and follows, but quickly has a better idea. He pulls out his wings—visible only to Dean—and jets after him, quickly coming up behind him and grabbing him around his torso.

"Hey, wait a minute, what're you doing—CASTIEL PUT ME DOWN."

Cas laughs loudly and whoops as they soar higher and higher, until they stop just above the clouds.

"Dean, please don't be scared. I'll always protect you. I'll always watch over you."

Dean's frightened eyes relax a bit, but he still clings to Cas' trench coat sleeves, his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

"O-okay but warn me n-next time, okay?"

Cas chuckles, "Of course Dean."

Dean peeks around Cas' shoulder and looks around. It really was quite beautiful up here. The lights of the town below were blocked out by the clouds, and Dean swore that he had never seen so many stars in his life. He exhales and says, "Awesome."

Cas nods, "Yes. That would definitely be an appropriate response."

Dean, now more comfortable, kisses Cas while smiling.

"Alright. Let's fly," he says with a wink.

Cas beams, "I thought you'd never say so."

He holds onto Dean tighter, and whispers in his ear.

"Hold on tight, baby."

Dean smiles even brighter, then they're off, zooming through the dark, weaving between the clouds. At one point, they even broke the speed barrier, which Dean loved. The entire time Dean was laughing and yelling and whooping, he loved this almost as much as driving Baby. Almost.

"Cas!"

"Yes, Dean?"

"I love you!"

Cas grins, and kisses the back of Dean's neck, "I love you too!"

Dean looked up in the mirror and winced at the burns on his skin. He jumped when he thought he saw Cas behind him in the mirror, but it wasn't. It was Sam.

"Hey, man. Do you need help with anything? I know you're still in a ton of pain."

Dean sighs, "Nah I'm fine. Thanks Sammy."

Sam nods and starts walking out the door.

"Wait, Sam?"

Sam turns back around, and is met with Dean hugging him tightly, desperately almost. Dean buries his head into his brother's shoulder and cries.

"I miss him, Sammy."

Sam hugs his brother back tightly, "Yeah, Dean, I know."

Finally, after much lollygagging, they arrived at the bar. Giddy and jittery from adrenaline, Dean could barely walk a straight. Other people probably thought he was already drunk, the way he stumbled into the bar, Cas in tow, laughing. Sam sees them enter and looks at Dean, concerned.

"Dean, c'mon you couldn't wait to get to the bar before you got drunk? Man sometimes I swear—"

"Sam, calm down. I'm not drunk. I'm just...kinda giddy."

Sam's eyes widen, "Dude, I _so_ don't want to know."

Cas smiles, "It's not what you think, Sam. I took him flying."

Sam smiles, "Ah, man that's so awesome."

Dean bounces excitedly, "Dude, you have _no_ clue."

"Alright. I've already got a round of beers coming with some hot wings."

Dean claps and rubs his hands together, "Great. But first I gotta go to the little boy's room."

"Yeah alright."

Sam helped Dean into the cold bath water, being careful of the burns; he began to wash him since he couldn't by himself. All the while, Dean stared at the wall, his face completely blank.

Dean looked down then, and whispered, "It's my fault. He died for me. I shouldn't even be here. I shouldn't be alive. He should be. Not me," he curls his knees to his chest, "not me."

Dean walks in to the bathroom, when he smells the rich stench of sulfur.

"Ah f—" he whirls around to meet a demon pushing him in to the wall, a knife at his throat. Dean kicks into gear. He braces against the wall and kicks the demon in the gut, making him fall back a ways. The demon runs at him then, angel blade in hand. They were obviously here for Cas, but he got in the way. He grabs the demon's knife hand as it flies toward him, wrenching it out of the way. He takes the knife and shoves it into the demon's stomach, watching him drop, and then drops the blade. Suddenly, the door opens, and Cas is in the doorway.

"Dean," Cas rushes to Dean, "are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Damn babe, they have a serious vendetta against you."

Cas chuckles, "Well I can understand why."

He kisses Dean on his now bruised cheek.

"I'm glad you're okay. Are there any more?"

"Nope. Just the one."

"Okay good. I guess we should get back to your brother—"

Cas' eyes widen as he shouts, "Dean!"

Dean whirls around to see the demon, not quite dead, about to let loose the angel blade, throwing it towards him. He knows this is it. The time he's going to die for real, after thousands of deaths. And for the first time… he didn't want to go.

He didn't know how it happened, but somehow Cas got in front of him. He watched in horror as the blade sank into his angel's chest. Dean heard yelling around him, and then he realized that it was him. Cas fell backwards, landing in Dean's arms, gasping for breath,

"Dean," *gasp* "I love," *gasp* "you."

"Shshsh it's okay baby. It'll be okay. We'll fix you right up in no time at all. I love you too," a tear slides down Dean's face, "I love you so much."

"Dean. Please… Get away," *gasp* "from me. My wings are going to," *gasp* "burn you."

"I don't care baby. It's okay. I'm here. I'm never going to leave you."

"Dean," *gasp* "I have to," *gasp* "say something."

"Yes?"

"I'll always watch over you."

Dean could see the light of Castiel's grace swelling like a dying star, about to burst from his vessel. Finally it did, and Dean felt the most immense pain he had ever felt. It felt like the skin on his arms, chest, and his back were burning, but more than that. Like every nerve was on fire, every cell was exploding under his skin. Dean screamed as he was overwhelmed by light.

When the light faded, he saw his angel lying in his arms, his beautiful blue eyes staring lifelessly at the sky. No longer was there love or happiness or even sadness behind them. Dean sat like that for a long while, sobbing and rocking back and forth, too overwhelmed with grief to be minded by the pain. He screamed and yelled until his throat was raw. Even when he was being taken to the hospital, he kept screaming for Castiel. For him to come back… But he wouldn't ever again.

Because Castiel, angel of the Lord, was dead.

Dean walked numbly to Cas' grave. He knelt down next to it, and placed his hand on top of the little wooden cross. They buried him where Dean had been buried, all those years ago. The place where Castiel gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition.

Dean sobbed, his tears dripping onto the upturned soil. He left what he had brought with him—a letter, a black rose, and his favorite leather jacket.

"Baby I know it's not much… You deserved the world, but this is all I can give you. I love you more than anything in the world. Please, Cas, _please_. Don't be dead."

After a while, Dean left the clearing, and he never looked back.

In heaven, Castiel received a letter, and Gabriel said it was left on his grave on earth, and it was from Dean. He opened the letter and it read the following:

_Deasrest Castiel,_

_ First off, I wanted to let you know that I am so sorry. I am so sorry about what happened to you, but I truly know, for a fact, that you're in a wonderful place. If you get the chance, please tell Mom, Dad, Jo, Ellen, Bobby, and all the people up there that we miss them, but hope they're happy. Also, Sam wants you tell Jess he misses her a great deal._

_ Second, I wanted to let you know how much I love you. At first I was a little apprehensive; you were an angel, for crying out loud. But once I gave in, I realized I had never loved someone so wholly, and so much in my entire life. You truly were the love of my life. I love you, Castiel. Please, never forget that. Or me. I know right now you're probably watching over me, and for that I am so grateful._

_ I guess that's all I have to say. Even now with you gone, it doesn't seem right to say goodbye. It never really did I guess. So I guess I'll see you eventually. When I die for real, I hope you're there to welcome me._

_ See you, then_

_ Dean_

Cas wiped a tear from his eye, and looked around, seeing all the people Dean had mentioned. His parents holding hands next to each other. Bobby standing with his hands in his pockets. Jo bickering with Ellen as usual. Jess laughing at something that Ash had said. Cas smiled, and looked back down at the paper, another tear dripping off of his nose and onto the page.

"See you, then."


End file.
